Life's for Living: Debbie Mills & Her Family's Struggle Against Cancer
East Leeds Magazine, December 2009

No-one said life was going to be easy but sometimes it just seems plain unfair. There's a cynical side to me that says bad things always happen to the good ones in life and vice versa. Debbie Mills was one of life's good ones. It's difficult to describe her in a sentence, her husband Jon describes her as a classy bird with a smile and glow of pride. Her daughter said she was a brilliant Mum and best friend. They know what they have lost and don't need to tell the world but others describe Debbie as devoted to her family, kind, clever, talented, funny, inspirational...and she liked to keep a clean house.

Debbie Mills died 19th April 2007 after a four year battle with cancer. While she was still alive Debbie and her family began raising money for cancer charities and they have continued to do so. So far they have raised about £70000. Debbie's husband Jon, daughter Emily and sister Joanne take up the story.

'Debs found a lump in her breast just before Christmas in 2002. The build up and Christmas andNew Year itself were overshadowed with hospital visits, tests etc. She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on January 9th 03. Then it just seemed to be a merry-go-round of more tests, chemotherapy, surgery, another kind of chemo, reconstruction, radiotherapy, visits, scans, results, as anyone in that situation will testify it takes over the lives of everyone concerned.

Debs Dad died in May of that year which made things even more difficult, she'd lost her hair due to the Chemo and everyone was concerned about how she would cope with the funeral etc but she was fine.That's the thing with Deb she always coped and sometimes even in her weakest moments, she still found the strength for others. Even towards the end she kept her sense of humour, taking the micky out of the haircuts and clothes of her visitors. She got some kind of 'all clear' later in the year and in November we held a big party to put a bad year behind us and look to the future.

A few months later a nagging pain in her ribs resulted in a diagnoses of permanent cancer. Debs motto was always 'Life's for Living' and as much as we could afford it, we made the most of the time she still had. We had four holidays that year, fitting them in round chemo and everything that went with it. It was on one of these holidays Debs was chatting with a few friends and mentioned she'd always wanted to go to a black tie ball. So, in a case of what the lady wants the lady gets, we organised one at Oulton Hall in aid of Breast Cancer. From the original conversation, we'd managed to put it on by October, it had only taken us 12 weeks. Debs played her part in it, she had a brilliant eye for detail and the whole setting was both impressive and immaculate. But that was Deb all over, the house was always spotlessly clean and she had great taste for both decor and also her own clothes without ever spending loads of money. During the ball and also in it’s planning, the generosity of not only family and friends but also of total strangers really began to astound us all. The ball was amazing, then it was back to the old routine at the hospital. Debs had set herself targets throughout- her son Ben's 18th, Emily's 16th, Christmas. She ran the Race for Life at Tempsi in 2004 and 2005, then we organised another ball in October 06 which raised £22000.

By now her health was failing. 2006 was to be her last Christmas. We had a last holiday early in the year, skiing in Bavaria. Obviously she couldn't ski but just took pleasure in being there with her family. Emily was 18 in January of that year, Ben was 21 in March. It was pretty low key, we went out for something to eat and that was the last time she went out socially.

Her funeral was 26th April at St.James on Seacroft Green. She'd asked for no black to be worn, the church was heaving and it sounds a bit cliched but it really was a celebration of her life. We held the wake at the Irish Centre it was more like a wedding than a funeral. We gave her the send off she asked for.

And after that life goes on. We had a year of firsts, first Christmas without her, first birthdays without her. She used to threaten to come back and haunt us if we didn't keep the house tidy. We regularly go to make sure her grave is tidy, we daren't do any other!

People kept asking about another ball but we were a bit unsure, we had doubts, would it be the same without her? But everything about her illness had increased our awareness and we thought it was the right thing to do. We didn't do the full black tie ball, it was more of a dinner dance on October 24th this year. Emily who is studying events management was ready and willing to take on a lot of the organisation. We raised another £7500, this time the money was split between Breast Cancer Awareness, St.Gemmas and Wakfield Hospice. And that's why we agreed to do this feature, to raise awareness and thank all our family, friends & supporters of their charity events for their support and generosity. To also thank friends who have done sponsored walks and runs that kind of stuff. And also to thank relative strangers for their contributions of both time, skills and money.

To donate to Jon and Debbie's Breast Cancer Awareness fund, please make cheques payable to Cancer Research UK. Send to Cancer Research UK, Unit 7400, The Quorum, Oxford Business Park North, Garsington Road, Cowley, Oxford, OX4 2JZ. Please write their ID number on the back of the cheque, it is 400259403.

St Gemma's Hospice Tel 0113 218 5500
329 Harrogate Road, Moortown
Leeds LS17 6QD
www.st-gemma.co.uk

Wakefield Hospice, Tel: 01924 213900
Aberford Road, Wakefield, WF1 4TS
www.wakefieldhospice.org

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